What? A New Post? Say it Ain't So!!

Yes, I know I've totally ignored this blog for the last two or three months. And yes, I admit, part of the reason was because, quite frankly, I failed. I bombed. I weakened, withered, and burned.

However, for the last six weeks this has not been the case. After Christmas I actually got back on the wagon. As a result, I've lost about 28-30 pounds. That's only about half the weight I must lose, but hey, it's progress! And certainly worth celebration. I've gone down four inches in waist size. Many of my old clothes actually fit again! I feel great, and my attitude for ultimate success if very high.

How did I do it? Well, I did that hormone thing. HSG? I can't recall the exact initials. But every morning I prick my leg with a two-inch needle and inject some kind of magic hormone obtained from the urine of pregnant women. I know. It sounds totally sick and gross. But hey, it works. And, as opposed to paying nearly $500 a month (which is what Optifast was costing) I now only pay about $30 a month. I realize for most people on HSG they aren't so lucky. They go to spas or clinics and sometimes fork over as much as four or five hundred a month for this treatment. I was fortunate enough that a guy in my Ward--the same guy who introduced the whole concept to me--bought a whole crate of the stuff out of India for some extraordinary price. So he taught me the procedure, let me read up on the various "phases", and here I am about to begin "phase 3," as they call it.

I like this diet plan, in particular, because it literally forces you to change your eating habits. So I've lost about 30 pounds. But I can't lose the NEXT thirty pounds for about six weeks. The hormone apparently "wears off" or loses its effectiveness after about 40 days, so a person needs to give it at least six weeks before their body flushes it out and the hormone starts to work properly again. During this six weeks I basically spend the first three weeks doing an "Atkins" kind of thing--consuming no sugar or carbs. Then, during the last three weeks, I slowly introduce in a few carbs, but all the time carefully monitering the effect on my body. The challenge (and command) of the "plan" is that during this six weeks I must weigh in regularly and meticulously--never gaining more than two pounds. In this way, it forces me to learn a new way of eating--hopefully something I can live with for the rest of my life.

Side effects? None that I can tell. This hormone has been miraculous. No hunger pangs whatsoever. I still feel "jealous", I suppose, when my wife and family are consuming great food around me, but the actual physical hunger pangs are non-existent. Optifast would also eventually reach this stage, but it sometimes took two harrowing weeks before this kicked in, and it never actually kicked in the way this diet does. On HSG it only took two days. In fact, for the first few days of this diet you're actually supposed to "pig out" on anything and everything while the hormone works into your system.

I've heard that a possible side effect is "losing hair"--something that some women also report during pregnancy. So far I've experienced none of that. Maybe during the next round, six weeks from now, I'll see some of this occur. But, hey as with pregnant women, the stuff apparently grows back. (Knock on wood.)

So anyway, the Heimer-blob is still a bit of a blob, but he doesn't take up quite as much space in the mirror as he did before. These next six weeks are critical. I cannot gain any weight, and I need to introduce an exercise regimen to my day, because right now, while slaving away on my next "Tennis Shoes" book, I haven't been working out AT ALL. I really didn't want to start exercising during the "hormone" phase. But now I think I can kick it up a notch. I'll fill you in the progress.

Hopefully a few more of you are also succeeding with various New Years resolutions. Keep the faith!

Chris Heimerdinger

A Post! Finally!

Okay, folks are asking...Have you given up? Have you failed? Yes...until yesterday. I sucessfully dieted yesterday. And so far so good today. But that's really nothing special, significant or memorable. I'll talk to you again if I make it four days. That's the beginning of a positive accomplishment.

I did (against my better judgement) allow others to offer dietary suggestions to me. It was not a good idea. Oh, the ideas were all good. And one in particular was a wonderful plan of lifelong change. But psychologically I cannot listen to other ideas, alternate plans, improved plans, more scientifically proven plans or easier plans. I've chosen my plan! After I succeed, I'll listen to all the advice in the world regarding "keeping it off." But for now, just watch and witness "the plan" that I have selected. Gotta be that way. And yes, for a week or two the plan is very difficult. But then it becomes shockingly easy, as your body more or less says, "Okay, so you're changing things. I'll change with you." And after the weight is lost, there is no great overwhelming desire to pig out. At least that's not the message your body is giving. But there's a still a battle to be fought with returning to the same bad habits of old because you think, "Now I've lost it. I can EAT!" That's the problem. Again, it's psychological. After success, I need to develop permanent lifestyle changes. But for my particular personality, anything else is putting the cart before the horse. So here I go...again.

Eat Your Hearts Out!

Well, not literally. That would be bad for any diet.

But I have to ask, do I still have any supporters?? As of today there are apparently 13 people who visit this blog, and yet very few offered words of encouragement regarding my floundering diet. Oh, for sadness!

Eh, all right. I'm guess I'm really not that concerned. Aftar all, a diet is a private thing. Maybe I'm mostly writing this blog for my own use and purposes. But I am happy to report that I had a very successful day of dieting yesterday, and so far so good today. I feel a resurgence of confidence. I'm not even going to muddy that confidence by whining about how "hard this is" or how "I just might fail tomorrow" or bla, bla, bla.

Fact is, I'm back on track. And I deeply hope that my success continues.

Prepare yourselves for the "incredible shrinking man!"

Okay so...

...I have to admit. I'm not doing so well. I've only dieted successfully one day since Saturday. That was Monday. Otherwise...it's been a mess. I don't think I've pigged out, like usual. I go till maybe five or six P.M, then I break the diet. I don't even know if anyone reads this particular blog, but if so...I could use some encouragement....

Just like I said...

Remember when I said if I stopped posting for a few days it was probably a sign of disaster? Well, disaster it has come. I have not been on the diet since Tuesday. That was the day major stress hit.

Anyone who has ever dieted (and if you haven't we all secretly despise you anyway) knows that stress is generally the most common cause of failure. It's not hunger. It's LIFE! Life kicks in in a big way whenever we try to conquer this beast, and afterwards we return to our old habits of making food our source of comfort. Trouble is, LIFE comes at a person in an endless variety of stressful ways. When one attempts a diet I suppose one has to EXPECT stress to enter their life in a big way. It's just how things work. So the trick is to recognize that it's gonna happen, and already we will have our mental armor snugly in place so that when stress hits, as it inevitably will, it doesn't kill the diet. Because we ALL KNOW that failure on a diet only ADDS to our stress. Any other promise is a cotton-pickin' lie! The promise of food as a source of comfort ends up being a foul deception.

So what's the plan from here? Well DUH! The plan is to start again. What else can I do? But it won't be today. Today I face the SECOND most common cause of failure on a diet--going out to eat with dinner guests. And even worse (for me) going out to eat Thai food. You think I'm gonna sit there and not eat? Besides, we even have a coupon for this restaurant. One of those "buy one, get one free meal" thingees. Well, the coupon won't work unless I eat, right?! Oh sure! Go ahead and tell me that if I SAVE the coupon, it will cost the same anyway, and I can just sit there and suck on a diet soda! Yeah right! A cyborg might do something like that. But not a human being!

And then tomorrow I'm taking my boys fishing. And we all know that only a very small portion of a fishing trip is about catching fish. The rest is about eating JUNK FOOD! Besides, how am I supposed to take my Optifast powder on a fishing trip? I don't have a car adaptor for my hand mixer!!!!

Actually...now that I think about it...I think I DO have an adaptor that would work for my hand mixer. Hmmm. And if I concentrate on FISHING and not JUNK FOOD...This could work. This just might work. If I force the kids to bring something unappetizing like ham sandwiches and chips...I may be onto something here.

Okay, here's my new goal. TOMORROW I AM GOING FISHING. And I will BRING MY HAND MIXER and my car adaptor and my Optifast powder.

I can do this. I can start the diet again tomorrow. Sunday should then be easy. After Church and after Church choir I can hide in my bedroom or the TV room all day and avoid the kitchen. That would be two solid days of success...Yes, I think I can do this.

All right. Starting tomorrow, I'm back on the wagon. Just believe in me, please? If my blog readers can't believe...who will? :)

Back on Track???

So I weighed myself this morning, after one more sucessful day of dieting--and three days in the last five that were total blunders. And what a kind scale it was! Despite my sins and shortcomings and short-sightedness (by not ordering new food in time) I have nevertheless lost 9.5 pounds since I began this exploit. That was very encouraging. I was sure that I had gained back half or ALL of what I had lost during the week when I was successful with sticking to the diet. So with this tiny bright spot in my morning, I hope that I have the incentive to stick to the diet today. Fridays are tough. Our entire society lives and dies with eating mingled with entertainment on weekends. So if I'm on a diet I'm always the odd man out saying "no thank you" to food offers and then generally having to explain why I'm refusing and telling the same story over and over and over. Let's see if I can successfully get through the weekend without eating and keep the fact that I'm dieting secret from everybody who might otherwise notice.

The challenge, really, is just sticking to the diet at all. But maybe this added challenge will put the focus on something besides food cravings.

Funny story...

Yes, it's so funny. He, he, he. So there I am yesterday at about ten minutes after 5:00 PM, broken and forlorn because the mean Mr. UPS did not come, meaning I would face another day of going off my diet. So, in a state of sadness and dejection (which was only assuaged by the pure joy I felt that I could eat FOOD!) I began to happily binge on banana bread and leftovers.

When low and behold, at precisely fifteen minutes after 5:00 PM, Mr. UPS man drops a package at my door. Yup, precisely five minutes after my binge began. Unbelievable. But what is truly amazing is how much food I was actually able to consume in that five minutes. So there I am, with a full stomach, staring at my Optifast package and thinking (you guessed it) "Well, since I've already BLOWN IT for today, what does it matter? KEEP EATING!"

And that's exactly what I did. At least I had the good taste/sense to realize that for what I decided would be my FINAL meal--after the final meal (notice I didn't put that in caps) that I had over a week ago--I went to the Cheesecake Factory with my wife and completed my binge with Chicken Madiera. Perhaps the only bright spot in the story is that I was so stuffed that I didn't order any cheesecake.

Okay, that's my funny story. Not so funny. So what's the story today? You can see the time on this post, right? It's late on Thursday night--a day after my food arrived. And yes, I have successfully dieted today...so far. It really is an incredible feat. I have NEVER succeeded at this diet after failing so heinously. I have never gone more than three days without heinously failing again. Do you know what kept me from eating today? This silly blog. Yup, I didn't want to confess my utter failure on this blog that I created with the specific motive of celebrating my success.

So messy as this diet has been so far, I am, for now, back on track.

Let's just see what the next 24 hours brings.