Day 5

So I barely made it yesterday.

A strange thing happens to me when I go on this diet. I think it's the same phenomenon that effects anorexics (sp?). I really find that I enjoy cooking. It's as if I get some sort of vicarious joy out of watching other people enjoy eating great food. So anyway, yesterday I made homemade bread--white flour, wheat flour and just a touch of oats. An incredible recipe, and perfect for my wife's Bosche. It was a terrible torture, but there were several people in the Ward that we wanted to give a loaf as a gift, so we made five of them and kept one. For several hours the house was filled with the smell of baking bread. Nothing in this world smells better. I resisted the urge to sample any portion of that bread all the way up until about one o'clock in the morning (last night). You see, I only consumed four out of five of my diet packets. I think I did this deliberately. And to make up for the 160 calories that I was missing...I consumed a single piece of fresh baked bread. I slathered it with butter, honey--the works--heated it in the microwave, and then consumed it while watching a red-eye program on the Science Channel.

I think the calorie count of that slice was a little higher than my unconsumed diet packet, but not too much higher, so I didn't feel too guilty. But then this morning I weighed myself, and to my alarm, I weigh exactly the same as I did two days ago!!! Now I know why movie stars avoid bread. Unbelievable. But I guess I shouldn't be so depressed. I was actually surprised that I lost all of 6.5 lbs in just the first two days. So now things are about right (for the first week of this diet, that is).

Today is going well, so far. I've only consumed one packet. I'm determined to write several good pages on the new "Tennis Shoes" novel. I have to mail some packages to those who purchased Tennis Shoes stuff or Passage DVDs on Ebay (that link, by the way, is http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150369089047&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT. You might have to cut and paste this link in the address bar.)

Mondays are very busy days in the Heimerdinger home. Gymnastics, guitar lessons, FHE. Thankfully my sweet wife does most of the driving. I just park myself at this computer and write. Still, there's plenty to keep my mind off food. But again, this is the easy time of day. The dreaded time fast approaches.

One thing for sure--today there will be no bread allowed.

Day 4

I'm not sure about my attitude today. Yesterday was very difficult. I feel okay right now, 'cause it's morning, and my hunger pangs don't seem to kick in in the morning. But yesterday was hard. I was whining about how I hadn't eaten much of my "birthday cheesecake" and my wife decided to cut me a sliver of it. And I DO mean a sliver. I hardly remember what it tasted like. But technically, that means I broke the diet to eat a sliver a cheesecake. A weird psychological thing happens when we break a diet even a little bit. Often, the slightest variation causes me to toss in the towel on the whole thing. Somehow I've gotta fight down that notion, 'cause the slice probably only contained about 50 calories. When all I'm getting is 800 calories a day anyway on this Optifast thing, that's not a terrible infringement.

My wife is downstairs making a big breakfast right now before Church. I smell it. Will I sample a piece of bacon?

Not gonna happen. I just gotta get through these very difficult next few days.

Misery

I hate this diet! Life is awful! I am SO HUNGRY! Is being fat really so bad? What did I ever have against it? My wife doesn't seem to care. Dieting is miserable! I hate everything! There is no happiness without food! Everything stinks! Joy is gone! Life without the freedom to eat what I want WHEN I want is no life at all! Why did I ever want to be skinny! Who cares!?!?

Okay, breathe. Breathe. I'm gonna make it. Day 3 totally stinks.

Day 3

Ya ha! I am STRONGER than The Olive Garden! More powerful than alfredo sauce! Able to shun breadsticks and pasta in a single bound!

Yes, I am still going strong on this diet. And...at least right now...I feel a little better. Two days of misery seem to be paying off. But I'm not foolish enough to let down my guard. The real pain, as I've always said, starts at around 4 PM. My wife and I are going to Temple tonight. Jordan River. And they're infamous white chocolate chip macedamia nut cookies. If Emily doesn't drag me down there I'll be fine. But she is addicted to the rice crispie marshmellow treats. So I'll probably have to duel with those cookies. It can't be worse than Olive Garden though. Not much could be worse.

And I've lost 6 and 1/2 pounds! Crazy, right? I know, I know. It's all water weight at this point. But it's weight. And my button-up shirt that I'm wearing right now just fits better.

So the battle continues. I have not yet been defeated. I express thanks to those few bloggers who are witnessing this battle as it unfolds. I gain extra incentive from you. Maybe later, after a few weeks, I'll post a "before" picture. I'm not about to post one now. I'm too vulnerable to defeat. But maybe in late Septemeber.

Holy cow that sounds a long ways off....

Olive Garden Ahead

So the "witching hour" is almost upon me--or the hours when it is hardest to stick with any diet. And to top it off, we are taking our oldest son (who is not on a mission) on his "night out" tonight. He wants to go to The Olive Garden. The true test of dedication (or the surest way to kill a diet) is to go to a Restaurant like that, especially when you are first starting your quest. So why do I punish myself like this???

Because I love my children. And there might be other things that force me to endure restaurants and holidays and other occasions where FOOD is the primary attraction as time goes on--things like dating my wife. She's as skinny as a rail! Why should I make her suffer? It seems the most special occasions of our lives are all surrounded, innundated, and buried with FOOD. Who decided that anyway? Probably been that way since Adam and Eve. In any case, I would never do such a thing on DAY TWO of a diet as difficult as this one if it wasn't for the sake of a child.

We're leaving in a few minutes. (Gulp.)

Day Two Begins

Unbelievable. I made it. And I'm quite certain the only reason why was because of this blog. I don't want to face the embarrassment of reporting failure here. So that's a cool thing! If I ever go several days without posting here, that may be a bad sign--unless it's over Labor Day or something, and I'm out of town. But if I go several days, it may mean that I've failed and don't want to admit it. It's morning, so I feel pretty good right now. We'll see how the day progresses.

Now I better go write my novel.

First Day Nears an End

Did I make it? I'm not sure yet. I'm VERY hungry. And I can't count the times that I have begun this diet, made it all to way to bedtime, and then made my way into the kitchen for a binge-fest of leftovers and treats. I suppose I ought to go to bed, but I've also awakened at 3:00 AM, floated (in a pretend sleepwalk) toward the kitchen and done the same thing. The only celebration of success comes after 7:00 AM the following morning. And that feeling of accomplishment quickly fades as I face another day of hunger and discomfort.

Yes, I know that we're not supposed to feel hunger. Hunger is bad. Your body has powerful defenses against hunger. It desperately WANTS you to binge as a "starvation preventative." That's why, with this diet, the key is last more than seven days. Otherwise it's a total waste of effort. After about a week your body kind of says, "Okay, so you weren't joking about this. I guess I'll accept the fact that I really am getting enough nutrition from these silly diet packets. You don't have to feel hunger anymore."

Honestly, I'm not sure if what I feel right now is hunger either. It's just that psychological addiction. I miss food. I think I miss it badly. But hunger? Oh, what difference does it make. I wish I could binge....

Toughest Time of Day

That time is always 5 PM on. Just lusting food. I had to cook for the kids. I made them this strange curry-beef-rice thing. Despite my efforts to make something I wasn't excited about eating...I wanted to eat it anyway. It actually got rave reviews. I swear, I would have failed already if not for this blog. Theraputic. I just don't wanna look like an idiot for failing the first day. Just gotta last long enough to go to bed.

If you're here, you just read my long post about starting this diet on FrostCave.blogspot.com. As I said, this is day one. And I'm already wavering. It's 3:00 PM and I've had three of my five meals. I get only two more meals. Then I'm done for the day. Gotta avoid TV. Gotta avoid those Arby's, Subway, Applebee's, Carls Jr. ads. Those things are fatal. Fatal to the body. But especially fatal to diets. Gotta stick with it. Gotta stick with it.

What I really gotta do is write more on my novel. Hopefully that will get my mind on things besides food. :)