A Post! Finally!

Okay, folks are asking...Have you given up? Have you failed? Yes...until yesterday. I sucessfully dieted yesterday. And so far so good today. But that's really nothing special, significant or memorable. I'll talk to you again if I make it four days. That's the beginning of a positive accomplishment.

I did (against my better judgement) allow others to offer dietary suggestions to me. It was not a good idea. Oh, the ideas were all good. And one in particular was a wonderful plan of lifelong change. But psychologically I cannot listen to other ideas, alternate plans, improved plans, more scientifically proven plans or easier plans. I've chosen my plan! After I succeed, I'll listen to all the advice in the world regarding "keeping it off." But for now, just watch and witness "the plan" that I have selected. Gotta be that way. And yes, for a week or two the plan is very difficult. But then it becomes shockingly easy, as your body more or less says, "Okay, so you're changing things. I'll change with you." And after the weight is lost, there is no great overwhelming desire to pig out. At least that's not the message your body is giving. But there's a still a battle to be fought with returning to the same bad habits of old because you think, "Now I've lost it. I can EAT!" That's the problem. Again, it's psychological. After success, I need to develop permanent lifestyle changes. But for my particular personality, anything else is putting the cart before the horse. So here I go...again.

Eat Your Hearts Out!

Well, not literally. That would be bad for any diet.

But I have to ask, do I still have any supporters?? As of today there are apparently 13 people who visit this blog, and yet very few offered words of encouragement regarding my floundering diet. Oh, for sadness!

Eh, all right. I'm guess I'm really not that concerned. Aftar all, a diet is a private thing. Maybe I'm mostly writing this blog for my own use and purposes. But I am happy to report that I had a very successful day of dieting yesterday, and so far so good today. I feel a resurgence of confidence. I'm not even going to muddy that confidence by whining about how "hard this is" or how "I just might fail tomorrow" or bla, bla, bla.

Fact is, I'm back on track. And I deeply hope that my success continues.

Prepare yourselves for the "incredible shrinking man!"

Okay so...

...I have to admit. I'm not doing so well. I've only dieted successfully one day since Saturday. That was Monday. Otherwise...it's been a mess. I don't think I've pigged out, like usual. I go till maybe five or six P.M, then I break the diet. I don't even know if anyone reads this particular blog, but if so...I could use some encouragement....

Just like I said...

Remember when I said if I stopped posting for a few days it was probably a sign of disaster? Well, disaster it has come. I have not been on the diet since Tuesday. That was the day major stress hit.

Anyone who has ever dieted (and if you haven't we all secretly despise you anyway) knows that stress is generally the most common cause of failure. It's not hunger. It's LIFE! Life kicks in in a big way whenever we try to conquer this beast, and afterwards we return to our old habits of making food our source of comfort. Trouble is, LIFE comes at a person in an endless variety of stressful ways. When one attempts a diet I suppose one has to EXPECT stress to enter their life in a big way. It's just how things work. So the trick is to recognize that it's gonna happen, and already we will have our mental armor snugly in place so that when stress hits, as it inevitably will, it doesn't kill the diet. Because we ALL KNOW that failure on a diet only ADDS to our stress. Any other promise is a cotton-pickin' lie! The promise of food as a source of comfort ends up being a foul deception.

So what's the plan from here? Well DUH! The plan is to start again. What else can I do? But it won't be today. Today I face the SECOND most common cause of failure on a diet--going out to eat with dinner guests. And even worse (for me) going out to eat Thai food. You think I'm gonna sit there and not eat? Besides, we even have a coupon for this restaurant. One of those "buy one, get one free meal" thingees. Well, the coupon won't work unless I eat, right?! Oh sure! Go ahead and tell me that if I SAVE the coupon, it will cost the same anyway, and I can just sit there and suck on a diet soda! Yeah right! A cyborg might do something like that. But not a human being!

And then tomorrow I'm taking my boys fishing. And we all know that only a very small portion of a fishing trip is about catching fish. The rest is about eating JUNK FOOD! Besides, how am I supposed to take my Optifast powder on a fishing trip? I don't have a car adaptor for my hand mixer!!!!

Actually...now that I think about it...I think I DO have an adaptor that would work for my hand mixer. Hmmm. And if I concentrate on FISHING and not JUNK FOOD...This could work. This just might work. If I force the kids to bring something unappetizing like ham sandwiches and chips...I may be onto something here.

Okay, here's my new goal. TOMORROW I AM GOING FISHING. And I will BRING MY HAND MIXER and my car adaptor and my Optifast powder.

I can do this. I can start the diet again tomorrow. Sunday should then be easy. After Church and after Church choir I can hide in my bedroom or the TV room all day and avoid the kitchen. That would be two solid days of success...Yes, I think I can do this.

All right. Starting tomorrow, I'm back on the wagon. Just believe in me, please? If my blog readers can't believe...who will? :)

Back on Track???

So I weighed myself this morning, after one more sucessful day of dieting--and three days in the last five that were total blunders. And what a kind scale it was! Despite my sins and shortcomings and short-sightedness (by not ordering new food in time) I have nevertheless lost 9.5 pounds since I began this exploit. That was very encouraging. I was sure that I had gained back half or ALL of what I had lost during the week when I was successful with sticking to the diet. So with this tiny bright spot in my morning, I hope that I have the incentive to stick to the diet today. Fridays are tough. Our entire society lives and dies with eating mingled with entertainment on weekends. So if I'm on a diet I'm always the odd man out saying "no thank you" to food offers and then generally having to explain why I'm refusing and telling the same story over and over and over. Let's see if I can successfully get through the weekend without eating and keep the fact that I'm dieting secret from everybody who might otherwise notice.

The challenge, really, is just sticking to the diet at all. But maybe this added challenge will put the focus on something besides food cravings.

Funny story...

Yes, it's so funny. He, he, he. So there I am yesterday at about ten minutes after 5:00 PM, broken and forlorn because the mean Mr. UPS did not come, meaning I would face another day of going off my diet. So, in a state of sadness and dejection (which was only assuaged by the pure joy I felt that I could eat FOOD!) I began to happily binge on banana bread and leftovers.

When low and behold, at precisely fifteen minutes after 5:00 PM, Mr. UPS man drops a package at my door. Yup, precisely five minutes after my binge began. Unbelievable. But what is truly amazing is how much food I was actually able to consume in that five minutes. So there I am, with a full stomach, staring at my Optifast package and thinking (you guessed it) "Well, since I've already BLOWN IT for today, what does it matter? KEEP EATING!"

And that's exactly what I did. At least I had the good taste/sense to realize that for what I decided would be my FINAL meal--after the final meal (notice I didn't put that in caps) that I had over a week ago--I went to the Cheesecake Factory with my wife and completed my binge with Chicken Madiera. Perhaps the only bright spot in the story is that I was so stuffed that I didn't order any cheesecake.

Okay, that's my funny story. Not so funny. So what's the story today? You can see the time on this post, right? It's late on Thursday night--a day after my food arrived. And yes, I have successfully dieted today...so far. It really is an incredible feat. I have NEVER succeeded at this diet after failing so heinously. I have never gone more than three days without heinously failing again. Do you know what kept me from eating today? This silly blog. Yup, I didn't want to confess my utter failure on this blog that I created with the specific motive of celebrating my success.

So messy as this diet has been so far, I am, for now, back on track.

Let's just see what the next 24 hours brings.

Mr. UPS Man

What is this? Day....I dunno. I lost count. And there's a very good reason I lost count. Over the weekend I made a silly miscalculation. I ran out of food.

What I mean is, I ran out of Optifast protein packets. I reordered on Thursday before we left. But my food only lasted until Sunday. A very, very sad thing. Which means...I am loathe to admit...I went totally OFF the diet for two whole days. That's right. I went back to eating solid food. And I was not very disciplined about it either. Oh, my wife tried to help, but it tasted soooo gooooood! It was a stark reminder to me that unless one remains disciplined on this diet for at least two months, their hunger pangs are going to rule them entirely, and they will find themselves utterly lacking in self-control.

In fact, truth be told, I'm not sure if my food is going to arrive today or not. I'm anxiously awaiting the UPS dude in hopes that he will deliver my miracle powder. If he doesn't...I shudder to think of it.

See, I did manage to set aside enough packets (five a day, remember?) to last yesterday and with one remaining packet for today. I had actually hoped that the UPS dude would arrive on my doorstep yesterday. But it was not to be. According the l'il airbill number and the UPS website, the package is due to be delivered today. But nothing yet.

So I was back on the diet full bore yesterday, but today is another question. I suppose I could start a fast? Hope that it arrives tomorrow? But that would be sort of a mockery of fasting since I haven't started with prayer or a purpose or anything else. MR. UPS MAN MUST ARRIVE SOON!!!

It's extremely difficult to go back on this diet after one has gone back to solid food for even one day. Frankly, I consider the fact that I survived yesterday a miracle. If I make it through today, it's even more of a miracle. But if that food doesn't arrive, what choice do I have? Either I'll become miserably hungry and do something unhealthy by not eating at all...or I'll have another day of failure.

I'm lookin' out the window. Where is Mr. UPS???

Day...8?

I missed a day. But it was a long post in the main blog, so forgive.

And NO, I have not failed the diet. I have gone one week and one day. I'll weigh myself later, but I suspect if I've lost anything, it's only a pound or half pound.

In any case, I'm facing a major dilemma. We're going camping. How does one consume protein packets on a campout? This will be a new one for me. I'll bring a cup that I can "shake up" the contents. (Usually I use a hand blender 'cause this stuff does not like to mix up.) This will be great challenge.

Otherwise, the diet is going smoothly. Hunger pangs have subsided a lot. Still gets hard around dinner time, but not like before. I think I may have a very good thing going this time. My pants already fit much better. But I won't be able to leave another post on this blog until Monday. So....wish me luck.

Day 7

I can't officially claim that I have gone one week. I can only claim that honor tomorrow. But I am feeling pretty good. Today I did lose one additional pound. That means since the inception of the Optifast diet, I've lost 7 1/2 pounds. Based on past experience, that's just about right. 7-8 pounds for the first week is average. Most of it is, of course, water weight. Only about half, I think, is actual fat, and if I were to blow it now (which I have done before at this stage) I would immediately gain back four-five pounds (in a day or so) and the rest rather quickly (in the course of about a week). The weakness or flaw of Optifast or any other "protein shake"-type diet is always the yo-yo factor--to gain back all weight in a period of time which is almost equivalent to the time it took to lose it in the first place. And I have definitely experienced the "over-reaching" hunger pangs that cause me to eat more than normal if I fail on this diet after only a week or two. That's why, with Optifast, unless you stick with it for at least six weeks, you're just wasting your time, money, and energy. (Optifast can cost about 20 bucks a day!) But something happens around the 7 or 8-week mark. Maybe it's the 10 week mark, but it's somewhere around there, and I know it happens. Your "starvation mode" or set-point defensive button just sort of fizzles or gives up. Your body kind of says, "Well, I guess that weight is really, truly gone, so I'll just have to start from where you're at now." There's nothing scientific about that analysis. It's just an observation of my personal experience with this diet. The first time I did Optifast was back in the late 90s, and I actually kept the weight off for about five years. But I also incorporated a life-style change of daily exercise. I really didn't change my eating habits. But just started exercising a lot. I gave up that regimen about the time my life really started to change--three or so years ago. I know for this diet to work I'll have to do the lifestyle change again. With the help of my wife, I hope that succeeds.

Boy! It sounds like I'm celebrating victory here! Gotta get THAT outa my head. Fact is, I still have a very very long long way to go. In the past I've actually made it on this diet a full five or six weeks and then crashed and burned and failed heinously and started a binge-quest that lasted until nearly all the weight was gained back. So the six-week mark is another milestone that must be conquered. But until then, let me at least bask in the success of one week.

It's honestly getting easier. My food-lusts are slightly less overwhelming. And I'm very proud of my success.

Now excuse me while I go microwave a plate of Doritos topped with massive shredded chedder cheese and a nice big bowl of salsa mingled with bean dip.

Just kidding. :)

Day 6

Ah ha! Maybe some thought because I waited so far into the day before posting that I have failed in the diet. Ah contraire! (If that's spelled wrong than I confess right away I don't know French.) However, I cannot say that I was perfect yesterday. It was actually much like the day before. You see, yesterday was the first day since my actual birthday that my entire family was together. So my sweet wife did a 2nd birthday party for me, and cooked an entirely new dessert--a German chocolate pie with caramel and coconut and pecans and...Well, let's just say I skipped one of my meal packets and...you can probably guess the rest. But still, much like the night before, it was likely not a major sin. Or so I thought until I weighed myself this morning. AGAIN! I WEIGHED PRECISELY THE SAME AS THE DAY BEFORE!!!

Actually, I thought I was going to weigh a half pound MORE. But then I took a shower. And I must have had a half pound of total grime and scum on me, because when I got out of the shower and weighed myself again...well...I was back to what I had weighed the day before. I was trying to think of exactly what I did on that first day (two days into the diet) and weighed myself to discover that I was 6 and a half lbs lighter. Did I run a marathon that morning? Did I have swine flu? I don't recall any of those things...so it's just one of those weird weight things that haunt all dieters who obsess over what the digital scale might read. And obsess I do.

However, today, thus far, I am perfect, with no plans of cheating in the least. Cheating is very bad for me psychologically. So I have to start doing this thing 100%correctly. Am I still hungry? Yes. Am I suffering at the moment? Yes...but not as badly as Day 3. And not as badly as Day 4. Maybe it's getting easier. Maybe I'm getting into the groove. But in any case if I can get through tomorrow I can claim to have reached a major milestone. ONE FULL WEEK.

I look forward to that success with great anticipation.

Day 5

So I barely made it yesterday.

A strange thing happens to me when I go on this diet. I think it's the same phenomenon that effects anorexics (sp?). I really find that I enjoy cooking. It's as if I get some sort of vicarious joy out of watching other people enjoy eating great food. So anyway, yesterday I made homemade bread--white flour, wheat flour and just a touch of oats. An incredible recipe, and perfect for my wife's Bosche. It was a terrible torture, but there were several people in the Ward that we wanted to give a loaf as a gift, so we made five of them and kept one. For several hours the house was filled with the smell of baking bread. Nothing in this world smells better. I resisted the urge to sample any portion of that bread all the way up until about one o'clock in the morning (last night). You see, I only consumed four out of five of my diet packets. I think I did this deliberately. And to make up for the 160 calories that I was missing...I consumed a single piece of fresh baked bread. I slathered it with butter, honey--the works--heated it in the microwave, and then consumed it while watching a red-eye program on the Science Channel.

I think the calorie count of that slice was a little higher than my unconsumed diet packet, but not too much higher, so I didn't feel too guilty. But then this morning I weighed myself, and to my alarm, I weigh exactly the same as I did two days ago!!! Now I know why movie stars avoid bread. Unbelievable. But I guess I shouldn't be so depressed. I was actually surprised that I lost all of 6.5 lbs in just the first two days. So now things are about right (for the first week of this diet, that is).

Today is going well, so far. I've only consumed one packet. I'm determined to write several good pages on the new "Tennis Shoes" novel. I have to mail some packages to those who purchased Tennis Shoes stuff or Passage DVDs on Ebay (that link, by the way, is http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150369089047&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT. You might have to cut and paste this link in the address bar.)

Mondays are very busy days in the Heimerdinger home. Gymnastics, guitar lessons, FHE. Thankfully my sweet wife does most of the driving. I just park myself at this computer and write. Still, there's plenty to keep my mind off food. But again, this is the easy time of day. The dreaded time fast approaches.

One thing for sure--today there will be no bread allowed.

Day 4

I'm not sure about my attitude today. Yesterday was very difficult. I feel okay right now, 'cause it's morning, and my hunger pangs don't seem to kick in in the morning. But yesterday was hard. I was whining about how I hadn't eaten much of my "birthday cheesecake" and my wife decided to cut me a sliver of it. And I DO mean a sliver. I hardly remember what it tasted like. But technically, that means I broke the diet to eat a sliver a cheesecake. A weird psychological thing happens when we break a diet even a little bit. Often, the slightest variation causes me to toss in the towel on the whole thing. Somehow I've gotta fight down that notion, 'cause the slice probably only contained about 50 calories. When all I'm getting is 800 calories a day anyway on this Optifast thing, that's not a terrible infringement.

My wife is downstairs making a big breakfast right now before Church. I smell it. Will I sample a piece of bacon?

Not gonna happen. I just gotta get through these very difficult next few days.

Misery

I hate this diet! Life is awful! I am SO HUNGRY! Is being fat really so bad? What did I ever have against it? My wife doesn't seem to care. Dieting is miserable! I hate everything! There is no happiness without food! Everything stinks! Joy is gone! Life without the freedom to eat what I want WHEN I want is no life at all! Why did I ever want to be skinny! Who cares!?!?

Okay, breathe. Breathe. I'm gonna make it. Day 3 totally stinks.

Day 3

Ya ha! I am STRONGER than The Olive Garden! More powerful than alfredo sauce! Able to shun breadsticks and pasta in a single bound!

Yes, I am still going strong on this diet. And...at least right now...I feel a little better. Two days of misery seem to be paying off. But I'm not foolish enough to let down my guard. The real pain, as I've always said, starts at around 4 PM. My wife and I are going to Temple tonight. Jordan River. And they're infamous white chocolate chip macedamia nut cookies. If Emily doesn't drag me down there I'll be fine. But she is addicted to the rice crispie marshmellow treats. So I'll probably have to duel with those cookies. It can't be worse than Olive Garden though. Not much could be worse.

And I've lost 6 and 1/2 pounds! Crazy, right? I know, I know. It's all water weight at this point. But it's weight. And my button-up shirt that I'm wearing right now just fits better.

So the battle continues. I have not yet been defeated. I express thanks to those few bloggers who are witnessing this battle as it unfolds. I gain extra incentive from you. Maybe later, after a few weeks, I'll post a "before" picture. I'm not about to post one now. I'm too vulnerable to defeat. But maybe in late Septemeber.

Holy cow that sounds a long ways off....

Olive Garden Ahead

So the "witching hour" is almost upon me--or the hours when it is hardest to stick with any diet. And to top it off, we are taking our oldest son (who is not on a mission) on his "night out" tonight. He wants to go to The Olive Garden. The true test of dedication (or the surest way to kill a diet) is to go to a Restaurant like that, especially when you are first starting your quest. So why do I punish myself like this???

Because I love my children. And there might be other things that force me to endure restaurants and holidays and other occasions where FOOD is the primary attraction as time goes on--things like dating my wife. She's as skinny as a rail! Why should I make her suffer? It seems the most special occasions of our lives are all surrounded, innundated, and buried with FOOD. Who decided that anyway? Probably been that way since Adam and Eve. In any case, I would never do such a thing on DAY TWO of a diet as difficult as this one if it wasn't for the sake of a child.

We're leaving in a few minutes. (Gulp.)

Day Two Begins

Unbelievable. I made it. And I'm quite certain the only reason why was because of this blog. I don't want to face the embarrassment of reporting failure here. So that's a cool thing! If I ever go several days without posting here, that may be a bad sign--unless it's over Labor Day or something, and I'm out of town. But if I go several days, it may mean that I've failed and don't want to admit it. It's morning, so I feel pretty good right now. We'll see how the day progresses.

Now I better go write my novel.

First Day Nears an End

Did I make it? I'm not sure yet. I'm VERY hungry. And I can't count the times that I have begun this diet, made it all to way to bedtime, and then made my way into the kitchen for a binge-fest of leftovers and treats. I suppose I ought to go to bed, but I've also awakened at 3:00 AM, floated (in a pretend sleepwalk) toward the kitchen and done the same thing. The only celebration of success comes after 7:00 AM the following morning. And that feeling of accomplishment quickly fades as I face another day of hunger and discomfort.

Yes, I know that we're not supposed to feel hunger. Hunger is bad. Your body has powerful defenses against hunger. It desperately WANTS you to binge as a "starvation preventative." That's why, with this diet, the key is last more than seven days. Otherwise it's a total waste of effort. After about a week your body kind of says, "Okay, so you weren't joking about this. I guess I'll accept the fact that I really am getting enough nutrition from these silly diet packets. You don't have to feel hunger anymore."

Honestly, I'm not sure if what I feel right now is hunger either. It's just that psychological addiction. I miss food. I think I miss it badly. But hunger? Oh, what difference does it make. I wish I could binge....

Toughest Time of Day

That time is always 5 PM on. Just lusting food. I had to cook for the kids. I made them this strange curry-beef-rice thing. Despite my efforts to make something I wasn't excited about eating...I wanted to eat it anyway. It actually got rave reviews. I swear, I would have failed already if not for this blog. Theraputic. I just don't wanna look like an idiot for failing the first day. Just gotta last long enough to go to bed.

If you're here, you just read my long post about starting this diet on FrostCave.blogspot.com. As I said, this is day one. And I'm already wavering. It's 3:00 PM and I've had three of my five meals. I get only two more meals. Then I'm done for the day. Gotta avoid TV. Gotta avoid those Arby's, Subway, Applebee's, Carls Jr. ads. Those things are fatal. Fatal to the body. But especially fatal to diets. Gotta stick with it. Gotta stick with it.

What I really gotta do is write more on my novel. Hopefully that will get my mind on things besides food. :)